Day 1: Electric Boogaloo

I spent the week previous to Tuesday obsessively logging into Neteller, the Paypal of the Internet gambler. Emerson let me know last Wednesday that he deposited the funds. So, I figured, maybe be Friday I would be set to go. But aha! The Neteller FAQ let me know what was up:

...4-5 business days...


Thanks, assholes! That means if I deposit any day which isn't Monday, I'm screwed until the next week. What a marvelously efficient and customer-friendly business you run.

Anyway, the money finally cleared this Tuesday. After confirming that I did, in fact have it at my disposal, I let it sit for awhile. Yeah. Maybe this seems odd, but I didn't want to jinx it right off. I wanted for future generations to remember a time when I had a full bankroll ... at some point in the future when I'm down to my last $15.

But eventually, I had to give it a whirl. I transfered a significant portion to PokerStars -- where I anticipate to spend most of my time -- and bought in for $5 (125x the big bet) at the extremely exciting $0.02/$0.04 tables, where the small blind is one cent, and the big one is two.

This is literally the first hand I ever played for real money:

PokerStars Game #2462642298: Hold'em Limit ($0.02/$0.04)
2005/08/30 - 23:09:35 (ET)
Table 'Lucia II'
Seat #1 is the button
Seat 1: Griz 44 ($13.58 in chips)
Seat 2: Ja)3)3A ($0.65 in chips)
Seat 3: michftball ($0.18 in chips)
Seat 4: jtmas ($13.61 in chips)
Seat 5: racingroy ($1.35 in chips)
Seat 8: Jannelle ($1.57 in chips)
Seat 9: Grey IV ($5 in chips)
Seat 10: JP55210 ($2.74 in chips)

Ja)3)3A: posts small blind $0.01
michftball: posts big blind $0.02
Grey IV: posts big blind $0.02 (when you sit down, you're forced to pay what amounts to a table entry fee, equal to the big blind, to prevent inequitable distribution of blinds due to the seat you happen to sit in)
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to Grey IV [5h 5s] (All right! A pocket pair! None too large, but can definitely be played for what SSHE deems "set value" -- a flopped set on the board with your hole pair will win a great deal of the time.)
jtmas: folds
racingroy: folds
Jannelle: folds
Grey IV: checks (following SSHE betting guidelines to the letter)
JP55210: folds
Griz 44: calls $0.02
Ja)3)3A: folds
michftball: checks

*** FLOP *** [Th 9s 5d] (Holy shit! A flopped set (3 of a kind)! And some peeps with straight draws like JQ, 87, or even KQ, KJ, 86, 76 might stay in for an extra card ... I'll start extracting chips from these speculative fools!)
michftball: checks
Grey IV: bets $0.02 (must win as many chips as possible with my monster awesome set!)
Griz 44: calls $0.02
michftball: folds (ah well, at least I've still got one guy ... who knows, he may try to bluff at this!)

*** TURN *** [Th 9s 5d] [Td] (Oh, golden. I'm hoping like hell that this doofus has a Ten -- that way he's turned the highest set on the board and has to think it's good. Meanwhile, I have turned a full fucking house: the only hand that beats me here is the tiny-percent chance of pocket Tens, I guess, but a big pocket pair probably raises preflop. Plus, he would've flopped top set .. and I probably would have thoght twice/fiolded to aggression with the bottom set. All he's seen from me is that I bet on the flop -- probably puts me on some sort of flopped pair or draw.)
Grey IV: bets $0.04
Griz 44: raises $0.04 to $0.08
Grey IV: raises $0.04 to $0.12
Griz 44: raises $0.04 to $0.16
Betting is capped
Grey IV: calls $0.04 (3-raise limit unforunately ... what does this guy think I am? A rank amateur? He can't bully me! He should be worried that I raised him all the way. Meanwhile, I'm a little worried in the back of my mind -- could he have those pesky quads? Or is this guy severely overbetting a 2-pair?)

*** RIVER *** [Th 9s 5d Td] [9c]
Grey IV: checks (I'm curious what he'll do here -- maybe he has an Ace or face card, and was hoping to hit a big 2 pair on the river? Stupid move, but you never know...)
Griz 44: bets $0.04
Grey IV: calls $0.04 (Crap. I'll call. I'm befuddled.)

*** SHOW DOWN ***Griz 44: shows [Ts Qc] (a full house, Tens full of Nines)
Grey IV: mucks hand
Griz 44 collected $0.51 from pot

*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $0.51 Rake $0
Board [Th 9s 5d Td 9c]
Seat 1: Griz 44 (button) showed [Ts Qc] and won ($0.51) with a full house, Tens full of Nines
Seat 9: Grey IV mucked [5h 5s]

To say I was apoplectic would be an understatement. I had flopped a set, this guy flopped top pair -- perfect circumstances for his money to come over to me. And yet this asswipe caught runner-runner cards to make him a bigger full house. That's called a statistical improbabiloity -- I'd love to know what the number is. I knew he probably had tens ... but I had a made full house. Cripes. I lost 24 cents -- nearly 5% of my bankroll -- on one stupid hand.

I won't go into excruciating commenting detail anymore but here's the next hand I played (3 or 4 hands later):

PokerStars Game #2462801429: Hold'em Limit ($0.02/$0.04)
2005/08/30 - 23:26:22 (ET)
Table 'Lucia II'
Seat #4 is the button
Seat 9: Grey IV ($4.72 in chips)
Dealt to Grey IV [Kh Ks] (the second-best starting hand in the game)
1 fold, 1 call, Grey IV raises, 6 calls, 2 folds

*** FLOP *** [As 3s 3d]
3 checks, Grey IV bets, 2 folds, 2 calls, 2 folds

*** TURN *** [As 3s 3d] [5s]
1 check, Grey IV bets, 2 calls

*** RIVER *** [As 3s 3d 5s] [2h]
1 check, Grey IV bets, 1 call, 1 fold

*** SHOW DOWN ***
Grey IV: shows [Kh Ks] (two pair, Kings and Threes)
jtmas: shows [Ac 8d] (two pair, Aces and Threes)
jtmas collected $0.54 from pot

*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $0.54 Rake $0
Board [As 3s 3d 5s 2h]
Seat 4: jtmas (button) showed [Ac 8d] and won ($0.54) with two pair, Aces and Threes
Seat 9: Grey IV showed [Kh Ks] and lost with two pair, Kings and Threes

No, this isn't really a bad beat. You think the guy might've bet a little harder with top pair but I'm sure he was scared of the flush after the turn (and maybe a 3 on the flop). But this is a typical bad player in a lot of ways -- got a piece of the flop, called it down. If I had a 3 or a flush, he'd be paying me off. But at any rate it's kind of demoralizing to lose your first two hands with some really decent cards.

Now time for some happy news. My first money win evar:

PokerStars Game #2462895824: Hold'em Limit ($0.02/$0.04)
2005/08/30 - 23:36:21 (ET)
Table 'Lucia II'
Seat #9 is the button (on the button, or OTB, is considered to be the best position to be in to act)
Seat 9: Grey IV ($4.55 in chips)
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to Grey IV [Ac Qd]
1 call, 3 folds, Grey IV raises, 1 fold, 2 calls

*** FLOP *** [Qh Kd 2s]
2 checks, Grey IV checks (normally I would raise in position OTB, but I'm afraid of the K -- too tight/weak a strategy I know -- and I'm fearful one of the guys might've hit a pair and was looking to checkraise; I only have 2nd pair here)

*** TURN *** [Qh Kd 2s] [7c]
2 checks, Grey IV raises, 1 call, 1 fold (now I'm sure there's no King -- unless the guy with a King just doesn't like money)

*** RIVER *** [Qh Kd 2s 7c] [4c]
1 check, Grey IV checks (Looking at this, I'm thinking I should've raised -- but maybe I'm a little river shy from that effing full house)

*** SHOW DOWN ***
Griz 44: shows [8h 9h] (high card King)
Grey IV: shows [Ac Qd] (a pair of Queens)
Grey IV collected $0.21 from pot

*** SUMMARY ***Total pot $0.21 Rake $0
Board [Qh Kd 2s 7c 4c]
Seat 1: Griz 44 (big blind) showed [8h 9h] and lost with high card
Seat 9: Grey IV (button) showed [Ac Qd] and won ($0.21) with a pair of Queens

Makes you wonder what homeboy was thinking -- yeah the flopped weak heart draw, but otherwise ... ? An unremarkable pot, but I'm as happy as when Wendy's releases a new special sandwich .... for a limited time only.

Not liking Tens much:

PokerStars Game #2463110610: Hold'em Limit ($0.02/$0.04)
2005/08/30 - 23:59:32 (ET)
Table 'Juno IV'
Seat #5 is the button
Seat 3: Grey IV ($4.25 in chips)
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to Grey IV [Qd Qs]
1 call, 4 folds, Grey IV raises, 1 fold, 3 calls
*** FLOP *** [5c 7c 7s] (flush draw?)
3 checks, Grey IV bets, 2 calls, 1 fold
*** TURN *** [5c 7c 7s] [Ts] (another flush draw?)
2 checks, Grey IV bets, 2 calls
*** RIVER *** [5c 7c 7s Ts] [Td]
2 checks, Grey IV checks (another pair? Great shit. I know what's coming.)
*** SHOW DOWN ***
SootedPare: shows [8c Kc] (two pair, Tens and Sevens)
counterfiter: shows [2s Tc] (a full house, Tens full of Sevens)
Grey IV: mucks hand
counterfiter collected $0.34 from pot
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $0.34 Rake $0
Board [5c 7c 7s Ts Td]
Seat 3: Grey IV mucked [Qd Qs]
Seat 6: SootedPare (small blind) showed [8c Kc] and lost with two pair, Tens and Sevens
Seat 7: counterfiter (big blind) showed [2s Tc] and won ($0.34) with a full house, Tens full of
Sevens

Yes, this guy caught running Tens To go with his ... pair of7s, Ten high. At least I'm heartened to know there are guys like Seat 6 out there.

To cut down on length:

• I get pocket jacks to flop A6J, turn 8 river 8. Guy calls me all the way and loses with his big A9. Pot: $0.31
• Lost a K3 from the small blind to a guy who caught running AK to make 2 pair with his big slick. I flopped Q34 on this one. Also in the pot; a guy with A3. Pot: $0.62
• The next hand I noted was a terrible beat. Down to $3.85, I get 68 offsuit in the big blind. I check to see the flop which comes 86Q. All right I say, a little luck! Turn is a T, river another Q. Uh oh. One guy flips over A7 another KJ. Still safe. Then KT. Only I could flop 2 junk pair -- normally a good stealth situation -- only for one to become irrelevant on the river. Pot: $0.41
• I lose AQ when the board pairs the Queen on the turn ... the Queen of clubs, that is, to go with the 2 flopped clubs and this guy's big 4c5c with which he called my preflop raise AND a reraise. Pot: $0.49

I labeled the following hand "Turning point" in my notes:

PokerStars Game #2463973690: Hold'em Limit ($0.02/$0.04)
2005/08/31 - 01:57:44 (ET)
Table 'Kalchas III'
Seat #4 is the button
Seat 3: Grey IV ($4.17 in chips)

*** HOLE CARDS ***Dealt to Grey IV [Ah 2h]
1 raise, 3 folds, Grey IV calls, 1 fold, 1 call, 1 raise, 1 reraise, Grey IV calls, 2 calls (this is probably too many bets (3) to put in the pot on an A2 ... but it is soooooted)

*** FLOP *** [2s 8d Kh]
1 check, 1 bet, 1 call, Grey IV calls, 1 call

*** TURN *** [2s 8d Kh] [3h]
3 checks, Grey IV checks (my flush draws never seem to pan out -- I probably would've folded this to a bet)

*** RIVER *** [2s 8d Kh 3h] [Qh] (sweet! I literally have the best hand here with the ace-high flush -- no FH possibilities, no straights ... I'm golden)
1 check, 1 bet, 1 raise, Grey IV reraises, 1 call, 1 fold, 1 re-reraise, betting is capped, Grey IV calls

*** SHOW DOWN ***
termilan: shows [Qd Qc] (three of a kind, Queens)
Grey IV: shows [Ah 2h] (a flush, Ace high)
toxic1983: mucks hand
Grey IV collected $0.92 from pot
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $0.92 Rake $0
Board [2s 8d Kh 3h Qh]
Seat 3: Grey IV showed [Ah 2h] and won ($0.92) with a flush, Ace high
Seat 5: toxic1983 (small blind) mucked [8h 7d]
Seat 7: termilan showed [Qd Qc] and lost with three of a kind, Queens

I love the guy with a big pair of 8s. But I'm excited at this point -- I'm up to $5.09: technically, profit! I eventually wind up cashing out of this table at $4.79 (I bought-in at $4.17), because I'm tired, and I decided I wanted to try something else: a tournament.

So I went and found the first low-level 45-person tourney I could. Most tournaments are no-limit, not limit. Buy-in was $1.00 + a $0.20 fee. Payout structure is:

1st $14
2nd $10
3rd $7
4th $5
5th $4
6th $3
7th $2

I've had good luck with these in play money; surely, this can't be that different. Right?

First observation: Hey, in these tournaments, 10 people don't go all-in on the first hand, so a table's worth of people (9) isn't eliminated after a couple of hands! This is slightly nerve-racking, since I always feel good about myself when I can see lots of bustouts. After 10 minutes in this tournament, I'd say 2 or 3 people were eliminated. Maybe.

Nothing too noteworthy in this one -- I get decent cards in good positions, doubling up a couple of times with a pocket pair (QQ the first time, 99 the next) or a flopped top 2/set against either a pocket pair or something like AK. But I fold mostly going down to the final table, which eventually arrives with me near the bottom in chips.

I manage a couple of blind steals (with decent Broadway cards when nobody wants to splash in the pot) to keep me afloat. Eventually, #9 is so severely shortstacked that he goes all-in with something crappy. He loses. 8 players left.

One spot out of the money, I'm determined to make it. After folding maybe one more table orbit, I get dealt JJ in the 97th hand of the tourney. At this point, that looks like what Kenny would call "the nug."

PokerStars Game #2464531758: Tournament #11966634, Hold'em No Limit - Level IX (300/600)
2005/08/31 - 04:33:54 (ET)
Table '11966634 4'
Seat #5 is the button
Seat 1: forwhelinman (10052 in chips)
Seat 2: drroid (5715 in chips)
Seat 4: Grey IV (10239 in chips)
Seat 5: grege78 (8725 in chips)
Seat 6: sybradley (1875 in chips)
Seat 7: DC420DC (21198 in chips)
Seat 8: jester7 (1446 in chips)
Seat 9: sally247 (8250 in chips)
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to Grey IV [Jd Jh]
4 folds, Grey IV raises, 1 fold, 1 reraise, 1 call, Grey IV calls (hmm ... a reraise? Well, it is late in the tournament. Could be a steal.)

*** FLOP *** [Qd 4c 7s]
1 all-in (of 25 chips), 1 raise of 1775 to 1800, Grey IV raises 1775 to 3575, 1 reraise of 15773 to 19348 (all-in), Grey IV calls 4814 (all-in) (I guess here I was convinced the guy was just trying to bully me, being the big stack at the table; either than, or he might be on a big spade draw)

*** TURN *** [Qd 4c 7s] [5d]
*** RIVER *** [Qd 4c 7s 5d] [6c]
*** SHOW DOWN ***
DC420DC: shows [Qc 9c] (a pair of Queens)
Grey IV: shows [Jd Jh] (a pair of Jacks)
DC420DC collected 16728 from side pot
sybradley: shows [Tc Td] (a pair of Tens)
DC420DC collected 5875 from main pot

*** SUMMARY ***Total pot 22603 Main pot 5875. Side pot 16728. Rake 0
Board [Qd 4c 7s 5d 6c]
Seat 4: Grey IV showed [Jd Jh] and lost with a pair of Jacks
Seat 6: sybradley (small blind) showed [Tc Td] and lost with a pair of Tens
Seat 7: DC420DC (big blind) showed [Qc 9c] and won (22603) with a pair of Queens

Basically, I was a dumbass. This guy is betting so heavily into me -- the Queen should've scared me, but it didn't. (He did reraise with Q9 suited preflop though -- which seems a little aggro to me.) Luckily, on the same hand, sybradley, the #8 severely chipstack went all-in and got doubly unlucky to run into my pocket pair and the big stack's flopped pair.

So when we were both eliminated on this hand, I get awarded 7th place because I had the bigger stack going into the hand. Whew. Otherwise my dumbass move might've cost me cash. I watch the table a little longer, and the #6 guy is eliminated after 15 hands or so. I'm not sure I would've lasted that long, but hey, who knows. After #6 goes, it seems like it gets 3-handed really quick. Maybe I missed an opportunity; I don't know.

At any rate, I'm up $0.80 on my $1.20 -- a cool 66.7% ROI for my first tournament. Afterwards, I went back to the ring tables a little and, if I recall correctly, I was up $0.23 cents there when I finally crashed at 6 a.m.

Net profit: $1.03